Defeat?

     Okay, so here's the deal... No job.
What's new in the life of an American college student? I've been searching since since July. Please tell me it isn't because the universe hates me, because honestly... I think it may be for that reason. Is this karma? What did I do?! Well, as much as I would love an answer to that question, I don't think I am going to get an answer...
   See, I know how to get a job. It's all about who you know! If you can get someone to talk you up or at least you an interview, you're set (well, guessing that you have some nice qualities)! That's how I know how to get a job, it's all about who you know. Here, I know no one and because I am not from this wonderful small town, no one wants me. They won't even look at me. Why? I have no idea. I guess there would be a lot of other qualified college students who could sit and answer phones, who knows maybe more than me!
   I just don't know what's wrong with me! I never had trouble getting a job before, but then again, I always knew someone... Well, anyways, my problem is this... I have no more money. And being a college student, I kinda need that to pay for my classes. Maybe? I already have one loan out and I don't want to take out another one. I am terrified of debt. Do here are my options:
- Continue going here (I love it! The winter is going to be FREEZING, but this is a great school) and take out another loan.
- Transfer to Dixie to finish up my associates (starting this next semester), and live with my parents... again.
-Drop out of school... Become a Nanny or something and figure it out.
(The third option is very unlikely...)
    So there you have it, I am failing at life. Did I mention that I am so stressed about not being able to care for myself that my test scores have fallen quite a ways? Mmm, my eating has really suffered and I haven't been able to be on a regular sleeping schedule. All I think about is home and all the friends that I have back there and the fact that Skyler has ten months left makes me anxious. Things aren't going well and Skyler keeps telling me to rely on the Lord (what else do you expect from an LDS missionary?), I tell him I am and I can almost see his face as he says "With complete faith?" I almost want to cower when I read that but I know he's just worried...
    That's another thing, I don't want people to worry about me, however I think I am more worried about my situation than anyone else could be. I can't provide for myself. (Oh saying that out loud is even worse). When people say "I'm sorry", I just get upset. Yeah, totally, you're sorry. That makes me feel so awesome. You're pitying me. The one who can't even afford to buy some milk. Thanks. Maybe I am just prideful... like a lot. I don't know what to do. I always thought I could take care of things myself and suddenly I am questioning my own ability to take care of myself... I just want to quit.
    So if I show back up in St. George... would that be a sign of defeat?