She sat painting my toes. I never knew that's what she did. I didn't know that she held such odd jobs throughout her life. That she now was going back to school. Painting my toes. Kids running around everywhere. I never knew. I admire her so much for everything she has done. She works hard. She is happy. She is motherly. She is beautiful. She is strong. She mentions a lady up the road who was a hero of mine when I was younger. I wanted to be just like her. She drives a bus. I never knew. It's strange going from the grandeur and sparkle of college hopefuls waiting to graduate and be off on some prestigious career to the reality that the average person holds more than a few jobs in their lifetime. The loveliness of middle class working to make ends meet and find a pocket of sunshine along the way. This makes me feel comforted. Makes the bar not so high or unrealistic. I can do whatever I please and still be amazing. Beautiful. Strong... Happy.
Finding and Staying
"Build friendships, and one day maybe you'll suddenly meet your soul mate, or realize you want to spend the rest of your life with your best friend." Perhaps the key isn't looking for that somebody to love. Perhaps it's meeting as many people whom fill your cup. Maybe it's not so much about being in relationships with infatuation and twitter-pation. Maybe it's seeing how deep you can become with another person and explore their cavernous souls. Per chance you'll find someone that just makes you feel yourself while still inspiring you to do better - so much so that you ask them to stay. Or might it be that one person who stays the longest? Or sinks the deepest?
Loving an idea
I feel that most of us fall in love with ideas and not people. This breaks hearts more than anything else I have ever seen and I keep on wondering how much I do this.
Being Five
I have these flashbacks in my mind sometimes of when we all lived under the same roof still. At night we'd end up in our parents room all together, the lamp the only light - we'd laugh about things. I have no idea what. I remember once being teased for not liking spiders. I must have been five or six. Tears started to sting my eyes when my eldest reassured me that I wasn't the only one - mom was afraid too. He pointed to the ceiling and yelled "SPIDER!" My mother screamed and I started to giggle like a maniac. How could it be that my own mother be afraid of spiders? She was invincible.
Wondering What If
What if we had stayed together? Or gotten together? Would you be here with me and my family? Would I be with you and yours? Would we be somewhere different and new altogether? Would you be considering longer term? Would we already be going for it? What would have happened if I said yes? What would have happened if I fought to keep you?
Or even better - What if I never met you? Or had no interest in you either way? What if I had traveled abroad as a high school student or shaved my head or died in that car accident? What if I had never been afraid to try those things or say the words? What if instead of hiding away when I was feeling nervous, I always stood out and beamed like when I'm confidant? What if I was born somewhere different, to different parents? What if I stayed with Chemistry? What if I stuck with swimming or stayed so thin? What if I had different friends? What if... What if... What if...
"Build friendships, and one day maybe you'll suddenly meet your soul mate, or realize you want to spend the rest of your life with your best friend." Perhaps the key isn't looking for that somebody to love. Perhaps it's meeting as many people whom fill your cup. Maybe it's not so much about being in relationships with infatuation and twitter-pation. Maybe it's seeing how deep you can become with another person and explore their cavernous souls. Per chance you'll find someone that just makes you feel yourself while still inspiring you to do better - so much so that you ask them to stay. Or might it be that one person who stays the longest? Or sinks the deepest?
Loving an idea
I feel that most of us fall in love with ideas and not people. This breaks hearts more than anything else I have ever seen and I keep on wondering how much I do this.
Being Five
I have these flashbacks in my mind sometimes of when we all lived under the same roof still. At night we'd end up in our parents room all together, the lamp the only light - we'd laugh about things. I have no idea what. I remember once being teased for not liking spiders. I must have been five or six. Tears started to sting my eyes when my eldest reassured me that I wasn't the only one - mom was afraid too. He pointed to the ceiling and yelled "SPIDER!" My mother screamed and I started to giggle like a maniac. How could it be that my own mother be afraid of spiders? She was invincible.
Wondering What If
What if we had stayed together? Or gotten together? Would you be here with me and my family? Would I be with you and yours? Would we be somewhere different and new altogether? Would you be considering longer term? Would we already be going for it? What would have happened if I said yes? What would have happened if I fought to keep you?
Or even better - What if I never met you? Or had no interest in you either way? What if I had traveled abroad as a high school student or shaved my head or died in that car accident? What if I had never been afraid to try those things or say the words? What if instead of hiding away when I was feeling nervous, I always stood out and beamed like when I'm confidant? What if I was born somewhere different, to different parents? What if I stayed with Chemistry? What if I stuck with swimming or stayed so thin? What if I had different friends? What if... What if... What if...
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