It just builds, and builds, builds, build, building.
My chest gets tight, it aches, it tears me to shreds, my body physically hurts and the tears start stinging -
From the physical pain or the chaos in my head I don't know which.
And once I get to the top - when I jump - I just go up.
I don't know what to do in the moment. I just want it to stop. I just want to sleep it away.
But I am completely past all rational thought and I'm panicking, I'm drowning.
The closer I get to the person the more they see and it's ruining everything.
I suck sometimes.
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